Without Regret
by Iceache
Summary: She closes her eyes and presses her hand to her stomach, rationally she knows that it’s far too early to tell, far too early to get her hopes up, but she does hope. She


**Don't own Booth or Brennan... blah blah blah.**

**Ok, I know that I have 3 other stories on the go, but I read the sides for the baby episode and I decided that this is how they are going to finally do it. **

**For those of you who have seen the sides,yes, you see a side where Booth is at the clinic, and we know that he does go through with providing the sample. I just can't see Booth allowing his child to be conceived through a medical procedure. **

**This is just a one shot, so review or flame away, I just needed to get it out of my head.**

**For anyone reading any of my other stories, I promise that the updates are on their way. **

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He lifts his hand to knock on her door, his hand feeling as heavy as his heart as he comes bearing news that will ruin the happiness that has been exuding from her over the past week. After a few moments she opens the door, the smile on her face quickly disappears when she sees him and is replaced by a look of concern.

"Booth? Is everything ok?"

"Can I come in?" The tone in his voice does nothing to allay her worry. She steps aside regardless and he shuffles into her apartment. She notes that his shoulders are hunched and his posture defensive, her sessions with Sweets appear to be paying off. She closes the door behind him and watches as he turns to her, a look of apprehension on his face.

"Has something happened?"

He exhales loudly and runs a hand through his hair. "I can't do it, I'm sorry Bones, I wish I could, but I can't." The words feel rushed, even to his own ears, but he needs to get them out as quickly as possible.

Her expression is neutral as she ushers him into the lounge and sits opposite him on the sofa. "This is about the baby." Her tone does not betray her emotions, he doesn't know whether or not to be thankful for that.

"Yes. It's not that I don't think that you will be an amazing mother Bones, I think that you have so much to give to a child, and I am honoured that you asked me to help you... But I can't. I'm sorry."

The hitch in her chest betrays the look on her face as she smiles gently and nods. "I understand. It was a big favour to ask of a friend."She reaches across the space and grasps his hand gently. "It's ok Booth, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in any way."

He looks at their hands and entwines his fingers with hers. "You can't understand Bones. Though things didn't work out between Rebecca and I, whenever I look at Parker I can remember the love that was there, and he knows, even though his Mom and Dad aren't together that he was created with love. I want to be there for my next son, or daughter, and what you're proposing, it's not enough for me." He dares to look up at her again and can see the tears shimmering in her eyes. "This baby would be half me, and half you. I don't think that I could maintain a distance from my child... I know I couldn't."

"You could be as involved as you want Booth, I wouldn't take that away from you." She understands how hard it is for him to watch Parker spending time with Rebecca's boyfriends, she understands how he feels when his plans with Parker are cancelled because of a disagreement with his ex or when she decides that she wants to do something with their son. His doubts don't come as a surprise.

He smiles at her gently and her desperate eyes cause a new wave of guilt to wash over him. "I trust you Bones, it's not about that."

"Then what?" She searches his eyes anxiously for an answer.

"I want to be able to look my son or daughter in the eyes and tell them that they were created out of love, out of respect, out of something spectacular and so incredible, but mainly without regret." He gives her hand a gentle squeeze before disentangling their fingers and pushes himself to his feet. She remains rooted to her seat, her brilliant mind processing his words quicker than they had been spoken. With only a second of hesitation she is on her feet and reaching for his retreating form, his back to her, she doesn't see him close his eyes when her hand lands on his shoulder.

"I want to be able to say that too." He turns to her slowly and assured blue meets confused brown.

"I don't understand, what are you saying Bones?"

"I'm saying that I agree with you, I don't want to tell our child that they were conceived in a sterile hospital room, I spend my life in a lab, I don't want our child to be conceived in one. You're right, I hadn't thought about how this might affect them, and I hadn't thought about how this might affect you." She drops her eyes from his to her hands that are nervously playing with the hem of her t-shirt. "When I asked you to help me conceive, I chose you because you have very good genes, you're strong and brave, attractive, intelligent, compassionate and I respect you... those are good traits and I would want to be assured that my child had some of those. But I also asked you because you are a good father, which probably doesn't make much sense since I told you that I just wanted you to be a donor." Her nervous hands are distracting him and he stills them with his own.

"Thank you, for asking me this. I can't imagine anything more incredible than a little person made up of you and me running around." She smiles, the first full smile that he has seen since he arrived and her eyes sparkle and she's beautiful, and suddenly he's sad that they agree, sad that she isn't pushing him, like she normally does, into this.

"You said it to me once before, everything happens eventually."

"That's right." He smiles.

She shrugs almost shyly "And if you ever reconsider.."

He frowns at her in confusion."Didn't you just tell me that you didn't want a child to be conceived in a hospital room?"

Her face is blank and she shakes her head, "No, I said I wouldn't want _our_ child to be conceived in a hospital room."

If he was confused before he can't begin to understand what he is feeling now. "Then how would we.." She cocks her head to the side and gives him an alluring smile. "Oh... ohhh. Right."

She is suddenly feeling unsure of herself and rushes to explain. "I mean, we both respect one another, and Angela says that we love each other on some level because we are friends..." She stalls on the word love, it feeling strange on her lips. "It would still be you helping me out, but we could do it right, make it something that you would be able to deal with."

He chuckles sardonically "Sex and making love Bones, they're worlds apart." There's an uncomfortable silence and he is shifts his foot trying to shift the pressure building in his groin. Internally he is cursing himself for being so under her control that such a tame suggestion from her can cause a physiological reaction.

She walks past him into the kitchen. "Well maybe one day, if you reconsider my request, you can show me." He swears that her hips seem to be swaying a little more than usual, that her hair looks silkier than normal. He won't deny that he hasn't thought about a hundred different ways that he would like to show her that difference, but never once did those thoughts include the concept of knocking his partner up.

He watches her reach into the fridge and pull out one of those unpalatable foreign brews that she favours, she holds one out in his direction but he pulls a face and she shrugs before shutting the fridge door. Twisting the cap off, she leans back against the counter and takes a swig. His feet appear to have a mind of their own, and without realising that he has made the journey, he finds himself standing in front of her.

"You would sleep with me to get what you wanted?" He doesn't mean for his voice to sound so accusatory.

"No, I would sleep with you to give us both what we want Booth." She takes another swig. "I won't say I haven't wondered what it would be like." This draws a cocky smile from him and she rolls her eyes. "I know that you've wondered.."

His eyes take on something akin to the look of a deer caught in headlights "What?"

"I see the way you look at me Booth, I _have_ been with men before.. But I understand why we haven't engaged in intercourse. It's because of the line, I get it. You explained and I understood." He blinks against her seemingly clinical detachment. He wonders how something so detached can be uttered in such a sultry tone. "You should know that despite understanding, I still find you attractive and I think sometimes what it would be like if that line wasn't there. I honestly believe that once wouldn't change who we are, wouldn't spoil things between us." She shrugs.

He leans against the counter beside her and contemplates her words carefully. "If I did reconsider, theoretically I mean, you would allow me to help you bring up our child? You'd let me spend as much time with them as I wanted?"

She doesn't turn to look at him, just takes another drink from her bottle. "Of course, theoretically if you want to be involved, I wouldn't deny you that. I think that you have shown yourself to be a great father, any child would be lucky to have you in their life Booth." She turns to him then with an earnest expression. "I mean that."

When his eyes meet hers he is struck by the honesty in them and his heart swells with her warm words. He nods, more to himself than to her and before he has a chance to talk himself out of this he slowly and tentatively leans in and presses a soft kiss to her lips. He can taste that god awful beer on her lips, but mixed with her scent it tastes incredible. She restrains herself, knowing that for once this is on his terms, but she can feel a fire ignited within her. When he presses his lips against her for a second time with more certainty she allows herself to respond. He pulls back and takes the bottle from her hands, placing it on the counter he stands in front of her and allows his hands to brush the hair from her face.

Her eyes search his and the warmth in them makes her head swim, she wasn't prepared for this, wasn't prepared for the feelings that would surface under that gaze. His eyes appear to be drinking her in and she can feel herself getting lost in him, she thinks he must sense her fear because he shows mercy and presses his lips to hers again. His arms reach behind her and his hands splay on the small of her back holding her to him. Her hands are still fixed firmly to the counter supporting her, she's certain that her knees may give out if she lets go. Again he's pulling back all too soon and her eyes flutter open, his eyes are sure and she suddenly feels safe. He takes both her hands in his and tugs her gently forward, leading her down her hall and into her bedroom.

The room is dark, only the moonlight from the slatted blinds providing any reprieve. She shivers under his touch, his hands are warm but raise gooseflesh when they pass over her skin. She marvels at how delicate his caresses are, as though he believes her to be a thing of gossamer. His hands move to the hem of her t-shirt as his mouth works slowly down her jaw line and to her neck. She closes her eyes against the sensations and wonders how they can feel so completely new to her, so completely new but at the same time so absolutely intimate.

She's never been so passive in the arms of a man, but then she's never felt as drawn to any man as she does to this one. This is a man of honour, of moral fiber, compassion and a full heart.. this is a man with a lesson to teach her. A lesson in giving yourself to another.

An hour later, as sleep threatens to claim her she looks over to the form beside her, he's already succumbed to the night. She's confused, she didn't expect to be.. tonight he'd shown her what it felt like to be completely adored, and compartmentalizing these feelings doesn't seem to bean option. She closes her eyes and presses her hand to her stomach, rationally she knows that it's far too early to tell, far too early to get her hopes up, but she does hope. She hopes that their child was created tonight, in respect, in mutual understanding, but most of all, in love.

**I know, cheesy as hell, but it's out there now.**


End file.
